Katie Doyle, Girl About Town

Monday, Dec. 09, 2002 - 7:25 p.m.

Thank god for pleasant guestbook signers. They are sometimes the one bright spot in an otherwise dismal day. It's odd that a nice word coming randomly out of the blue from a total stranger can make a crappy day or week much better. Thank you, Shakira. I really appreciate the compliment.

I am still trying to recover from the last week, gentle reader.

It's not going well.
This is the first time in my life I really can't fucking wait for Christmas and the rest of this miserable season to just be over. Buy a tree and decorate it? I think not.

Nosy Katie Doyle googlers: 3
# of CK golf searchers: 2
# of ANS weight-obsessed searchers: 2 (both from AOL; go figure)
# of people with no musical taste ("laundry+commercial"): 2

Other searches leading here: sassaby+lipsticks (4th out of 10), GEORGE+TOWN+GIRL, tushy+girl (a scary 5,180 results), and girl+driving+seatbelt; at least I know I qualify as a girl now. I was beginning to have my doubts...

Most Curious Search of the Day:
girl+driving+seatbelt. Why on earth would that be something you'd search???

Holiday Bumper Sticker of the Day:
So, I'm in the mall parking lot today, and there's this clueless driver in front of me, which was a little annoying, but crappy as my life is going right now, I'm remaining patient - mostly due to the whopping huge cinammon and sugar Wetzel's Pretzel I was eating, I'm sure - when I see that there's a car in the next lane being an asshole to this old woman, who clearly is a little confused about the proper procedure for making a left turn, since she's in the right turn lane. But she has her blinker on, and she's trying to get over to the left, and this fucking 20-something prick who is wearing a beanie in the frigid 76 degree Los Angeles weather is toying with her, letting her think she can get over and then cutting her off again. And then I see he's got a sticker in the little triangular rear passenger window of his hulking 1986 Olds Cutlass, or whatever similar landbarge, that says "Don't be a DICK." And I'm thinking perhaps, prickboy, if you're going to place that sticker on your car, and in such a prominent position, you might consider not behaving like one yourself. And I kinda wanted to get out of my car, go over, and kickbox the shit out of him, but I let it go, because it's the holidays, and mostly because kicking a bag is one thing, but it's quite another to kick a kid who will kick me back. But in my head, I knocked the snot out of the little cheeser.

Here's a Little Something for you Anna Nicole Freaks:
Seems everyone's favorite harridan doesn't feel the trainwreck of her life has been exploited to its utmost, so she wants to treat viewers to a striptease. As if the horror of Anna's drug-numbed white trash self isn't enough, she'd like to show us her boobs and butt.

That's just...special.

I can think of little more horrifying, frankly. Not because Anna isn't the most nubile of creatures, either. It's just that she is the most horrific creature I have ever had the misfortune to be subjected to: loud, obnoxious, ignorant, stupid, classless, vile, tasteless, tactless, sophomoric, slow, whorish, and from what I can tell, almost completely lacking in manners, morals or ethics. She even drugs her dog, for crying out loud. Good god, the last thing the civilized world needs is to be subjected to her stripping on camera, and I shudder to know she is just that clueless, on top of everything else.

Stupid Quote(s) of the Day:
"We apologize to God for any action that may anger the Almighty, if such an action took place in the past, unbeknownst to us but considered to be our responsibility, and to you we apologize on this basis as well." --Saddam Hussein, to the Kuwaiti people.

Coz, you know, I can totally see how you can order the invasion of a neighboring country, mobilize every single one of your (military) troops, occupy said country for 7 months, kill tons of its people, take hundreds prisoner, set all the oil wells in that country on fire, and piss off roughly 3/4 of the world entirely without knowing you are doing or have done so.

That is some seriously good smack Saddam is smoking.

"I am disappointed that there has been no nudeness - I don't mind being nude." --ANS, in an interview with Heat magazine.

The word is nudity, Anna. There has been no nudity. And it's really no revelation you don't mind being nude, since you constantly announce in ever-increasing decibles your desire to get laid. My eyes, my eyes.

Bygones.

Note to All Trendy SUV Advertising Writers:
"Honkin'" is not an adverb. It is an *adjective*. As in big old honkin' SUV, NOT "honkin' big" like your current ad. Why in hell is Acura using the word "honkin'", anyway? Isn't that a little too southern redneck for your average blueblood Acura driver? Please; familiarize yourself with your target demographic. People who would use honkin' as an adverb do not know what the word means. The rest of us are laughing at and mocking you. Hard.

That's What I Call Insomnia
So, this mathmetician guy in Australia has figured out there are 43,200 different ways to lace your shoes. I personally think he probably counted at least a couple more than once, but that's the number he came up with. Me, I lace the bottom one over the outside, cross to the inside, and then cross to the outside, from the inside, the rest of the way up the shoe. I used to lace from the inside all the way up. Sometimes I still do, but usually, the first lace, the one that goes straight across, at the bottom of your shoe, down by the toe, that one is usually on the outside. I know you're scintillated. Try to deal.

The scary thing is that the journal Nature actually researched, checked, and published this finding. I guess in the world of geeks, this is really big news. Those of us with an actual life to lead don't find it all that fascinating.

Bygones.

People Are Stupid, and Why Should It Be...
No, Virginia, dialing 9111 will NOT tell you whether or not your phone is bugged. That is what we call an "Urban Legend." It *will* connect you to 911 and probably the police, who could assume you are in trouble and send someone to your house to make sure you're okay, and it's probably safe to say that if you're that concerned your phone is bugged, odds are good the activities you conduct inside your home are fairly unsavory, and you don't want the cops showing up, so save the overloaded 911 system and yourself some hassle, will ya? Jeez.

While I am on the subject, 911 is for EMERGENCIES ONLY, though I am sure most of my beloved readers are intelligent enough to grasp the fact. It is not a source of information or for reporting noisy neighbors. It is for reporting relevant and pressing information - what the more astute of us call "e-mer-gen-cies": life-threatening happenstances like fires, injuries, and actual crime (rape, murder, breaking and entering, robbery, etc.). Your local police station and sheriff's department have non-emergency numbers for stuff like missing cats and noisy neighbors and the like. Those numbers are manned 24/7, and in fact frequently offer a shorter hold time than does 911. Please use them.

Now THAT's Irony for you
A 51-year old man was scooped up by a front-end loader at a Pennsylvania mushroom compost facility and dumped into a compost grinder, where he was ground up. The guy was reported missing around 9:30am, and they "discovered [his] remains" half an hour later. What must be the dumbest, most gullible police sergeant in the country said "Nobody saw what happened." Uh, I'm thinking the guy running the loader did, pal; you might wanna haul his ass in for futher questioning. But the ironic part of the whole thing? The decedent was a quality-control supervisor at the plant.

(BTW, I do not in anyway mean to make light of the situation; I think it's pretty horrible. I just find the irony amazing.)

Hey, Osama: Kiss My Ass.
You make a pretty valid point when you point out that my government is elected more or less by me (the American people), so I am responsible for what it does. (But much as I hate most elected officials and the way they've bastardized my system of government, I have about as much chance overthrowing my government as the people of Afghanistan did the fucking Taliban.) And I personally, unpopular as the opinion is, believe the Palestinians are getting a very raw deal and that someone needs to draw the line and tell Israel to cut the shit out - I am not a big fan of Israel in any way. But when you launch into your crap about religion, bud, you can kiss my ass and choke on your own bile, you worthless piece of oppressive crap. Oh, and by the way? When I go out and earn money? It's not exploitation, you dumbass cocksucker, it's Independence and Equality. I hope the worst fucking thing that can EVER happen to someone like you happens for eternity, you fucking arrogant, coward. You are nothing. You will always be nothing. There are no words for how inconsequential you are in the politics of life, you loser.

(as a measure of how how pissed off I am, that marks the first time in my entire life I have ever used the c.s. term)

BTW, I am not anti-semitic. Do not assume that because I do not cotton to the Israeli government and its politics that I am. Do not send me hate mail because I said the Palestinians are getting a raw deal. I read up on the history of the region, from the short war that set the current playing field to what's going on right now, and frankly, were I Palestinian, I would hate the Israelis too. I am NOT Palestinian, I do NOT hate the Israelis, and I do NOT condone terrorism in *any* form, government sanctioned or otherwise. You may respectfully disagree with this point of view, and I respect your right to disagree. Do not attempt to flame my ass because we disagree.

On that note, I am outta here.

Peace out,
Katie

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