Katie Doyle, Girl About Town

Tuesday, Feb. 04, 2003 - 3:49 p.m.

Let's take a moment to talk about Space, people. Personal, Space. You should know who you are, Ye Who Violate the Personal Space. Most of you have penile appendages. Not all, but most.

STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

You are annoying. You annoy *me*. You stand practically up against me (3" away), breathing down my neck at the drug store, and look over my shoulder as I write my check. You fail to hang back where the line begins in a 3 teller single line queue (sp?), and instead, stand 12" behind me as I take care of my business. At the ATM, you Clearly Violate the 6' Privacy Rule. At the grocery store, you elbow me out of the way while I'm putting my fucking change away. And at the video store, you stand so close to me in line, you have body parts touching me, a Definite No-No and Felonious Violation of the Personal Space Rule. You Piss. Me. Off.

Let me clue you gentlemen (and ladies) in: Almost every single American on the planet - and many people in other countries (though apparently not the former USSR, bygones) - has a personal space of about TWO (2) FEET. That is 24" and approximately 60cm. That TWO FEET of air surrounding people belongs to THEM. It is not yours. You are not allowed to occupy it. You are not allowed to stick an elbow into it. You are not allowed to BREATHE in it. It belongs to someone else. It belongs to ME. And I do not want You in MY SPACE. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel threatened on some primal level. It makes me want to punch you. Back the Fuck Off.

To that end, here are some Rules for you to follow in order that you may Respect the Personal Space of Others:

Any time you are standing in a line, you must maintain a MINIMUM of TWO FEET of space between you and the person in front of you. This rule may be bent if - and only if - the person behind you is violating your personal space, and the person in front of you is the same sex you are. And even then, you should do your best to even out the space all the way around and not violate the space of the person in front of you. Ie. if you can stand a little out of the line and thus gain the extra space, you must do that.

Any time a monetary transaction is being carried out (grocery store, drug store, etc.), you must maintain a minimum of at least THREE FEET between you and the person in front of you. You must wait for them to gather their belongings before you step up to the counter. This is the ONLY POLITE THING TO DO. If you are in such a fucking hurry that you can not allow that person to put their money in their wallet and pick up their bag, you should not be in line in the store in the first place. Do your fucking shopping at 1am, when no one is in the store, you fucking self-centered, ego-centric piece of crap.

The ATM Addendum to the Monetary Transactions Rule necessitates an additional 2 feet of space, bringing the total amount of space between you and the person using the machine to SIX FEET. This is not negotiable. Especially in the evening or at a teller in an otherwise empty place. Do not make the person worry you are looking at their code or are going to mug them to take their withdrawal. Especially if that person is female.

When sharing an elevator with one other person, stand on the other side of the car. Especially if that person is of the opposite sex. Do not stare at the other person. And gentlemen, I know it is considered polite to let a lady on/off the elevator first. And during the day, it is. On a date, it is. But in a parking garage at night, please get off first and step clearly away from the elevator so the poor girl doesn't have to wonder whether or not you are going to grab her from behind. Because you may look like a decent human being and all, but we still have to be careful, and by all reports, Ted Bundy looked pretty harmless too.

And finally, at the video store - or in any other line - if the person in front of you keeps edging away from you and STICKING HER FOOT OUT TOWARD YOU WHEN SHE STOPS, do NOT step on her fucking foot or step all the way up so that your toes are actually buttressed up against it. The reason she's doing that is because you are standing TOO DAMN CLOSE, and she wants you to take the polite hint. Otherwise, you may get the Glaring Stare O' Death, or I may pointblank tell you to Back. The. Fuck. Off. So in the interest of keeping everyone happy, please just do it.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled Diaryland Notes. This has been a public service announcement. If I have left anything out, please feel free to email me the comment, and I will include it here at a later date.

Peace out,
Katie

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Yesterday's News - Next Stop

In which Katie shares sad news - Wednesday, Apr. 01, 2015
In which Katie returns after a very long absence - Monday, Jun. 25, 2012
In which Katie pokes her head in and brushes some of the cobwebs away - Thursday, May. 06, 2010
In which Katie asks you to write your congressman again. - Monday, Jun. 02, 2008
In which Katie asks you to please click the link and send the message to protect the rights of artists - Wednesday, May. 21, 2008