Katie Doyle, Girl About Town

Thursday, Jan. 09, 2003 - 12:48 a.m.

El Nino, my ass.

Oo, they said, El Nino is back. Big year for weather, they said. It'll be cold, they said. Floods, mudslides, mayhem, they said. Rain, they said.

Yeah, right.

The last three days, it's been at least 80 every single day, and aside from one day of actual rain a month or so ago and another of half-ass SoCal "rain" a week or so before that, all we got was a few sprinkles yesterday, and that barely enough to make me consider using an umbrella for about a nanosecond before the thinking half of my brain short-circuited itself laughing so hard I lost all cognitive function for about an hour.

I am sick of sun, yo.

Los Angleles does not have weather, it has climate control. It has terminal sunshine. And we're in the middle of a friggin drought, because for two years we have not even gotten the painfully pathetic 13" of rain we're supposed to get a year, though last year we did come hecka slammin' close with a whopping NINE. Oo. Ah. Where the frig is all the ***damn rain??? It's El Nino. There's supposed to be all this chaos and cold and actual water on the streets, and all it's done is blow. Literally. More wind than you can shake a stick at, should you be inclined to engage in such psychotic behaviour. Serious wind. Gale force wind. Winds 80 - 100 mph. Broken branches, downed powerlines, and hundreds without phone service. But not a drop of rain, boy. Not. A. Drop. Of. Rain.

Blow me, El Nino. Y tu mama tambien, pendejo.

Pinche cabron.

Okay, that's enough cussing in Spanish. Especially since I don't actually know what pinche means...

By the way, don't go emailing people back when they sign your guestbook without looking at their site first...otherwise, like a bonehead, you hand them your email address. ::sigh::

And the Parent of the Year Award Goes To...
Anyone but this bitch. A woman in LA went cross-country to have sex with some guy she met on the net. She was gone for 3 weeks, including Christmas and New Year's, leaving her 2 children, a 4 year old boy and 7 year old girl, alone in their apartment - locked in and having removed the phone so there could be no calls in or out of the place. She told them to put the trash in the refrigerator so it wouldn't smell and not to turn on any lights, make any noise, or watch any television, because she told neighbors they were going out of town for 3 weeks. Luckily, a neighbor heard the little boy crying sometime after the 27th and thought that was a little odd, so she called the police, who came and found the kids and took them into protective custody. The fucking bitch of a "mother" came home today, and when she couldn't find her kids, had the gall to report them missing, so cops came and arrested her. I hope the bitch never gets her kids back and does not see the light of day for a very, VERY long time. You know, you can fuck over your coworkers all you please. It makes you a useless piece of shit, but at least adults can defend themselves. When you take the sweet faith of a child and rape it for all it's worth, you deserve to fucking pay with your soul, and I will stand by that til the day I die, so all you freaking tree-hugging, pacifistic, forgiving people who think that viewpoint is a tad extreme can save your speech. I know the joy of parents who fuck over their children first hand, and it's bullshit, so keep your white picket fence to yourself.

Bygones.

Google *this*.
Nosy Katie Doyle googlers: 2 (including "katie doyle"+spanish)
Broiling-obsessed googlers: 4 (but I think that's only 2, one of them searching 3 times - coz, you can never find enough web pages about broiling pans...)
Plastic-surgery fans: 2 (one of whom is also interested in Shania Twain and an international who is also fond of freaks)
# of people searching for jerkoff material: 1 (who also signed my guestbook...wasn't that nice of her?)
# of searchers who can't get enough of Anna Nicole's weight: 1
MV Golf-obsessed searchers: 1

Are you aware of Googlism.com? It searches the web for references and comes up with goofy sentences like "katie doyle is evil witch," which you know I found amusing. I Googlismed a few of my favorite D'land denizens. Apparently, CuppaJoe is stepping away to refill the coffee cup, while Mimi Smartypants is more rock. Marn is expertly trained to keep the thunder ops and roving guards on their toes, and Ann-Frank is no dummy. Actually, the Marn quote that probably actually applies to the D'land Marn is "Marn is just barking mad and every post makes me laugh." But I like the other one better. :)

Kelp is a Lovely Color
At least, it's supposed to be, when woven into some kind of soft, velvety material which has then been sewn into a shirt. Mimi Smartypants says so.

The Husband Did It
Have you guys heard about the Laci Peterson case? The 27-year-old, 8.5 month pregnant woman disappeared on Christmas Eve. Her husband, Scott Peterson, was the last person to see her alive, when he left at 9:30 am on Christmas Eve morn to go fishing alone in Berkeley, 85 miles away from the Peterson's Modesto home. Everyone says Scott LOVES fishing, so it's really not eyebrow raising he chose to scoot off on CHRISTMAS EVE to go fishing ALONE. Hmm. Let's see...he left his wife - 8.5 months pregnant with their *first* child - home alone on Christmas Eve to drive 85 miles to go fishing alone... Let's all stop a moment and consider.

85 miles on Christmas Eve. Any of you guys ever try driving *anywhere* on Christmas Eve? Ever try it in California? When I drive down to my aunt and uncle's house in SD, 140 miles away, on the day of ANY holiday, it takes a minimum of 3.5 hours, if I'm *lucky*. If you divide 210 minutes of drive time by 140 miles, you get 1.5 minutes per mile. Driving 85 miles, that's 127.5 minutes. I'm thinking it had to take 2 hours, because even in NO traffic, it would have taken the guy 90 minutes, pulling a boat behind his F-150. Plus time to get the boat into the water, at least half an hour, and half an hour to haul it out of the lake, too. That's 5 hours just getting there and back...if he left at 9:30am and got home at 4:30, that's a total of 7 hours gone from home. Now, I don't know 'bout you, but when *I* fish, I fish all day. I sure as hell don't spend 4 hours in holiday traffic for 2, *maybe* 3, hours fishing. That makes no sense. Even if he expected no traffic, he had to know he couldn't get more than 3 hours of fishing in. On Christmas Eve. With a young wife at home on a major family holiday, eight and a half friggin months pregnant with their first child. Let's say he was an insufferably self-centered prick who loved fishing enough to leave his very pregnant wife to do everything by herself on Christmas Eve. Anyone who loves fishing that damn much isn't going out for a mere 2 or 3 hours, people. That's ridiculous. And no one saw him or can substantiate his alibi. All he's got to prove he was at the marina is a receipt from a *machine* at the dock.

Uh-huh.

I wish I could see an interview with him, because then I could tell for sure, but you mark me on this one: that guy either killed his wife or knows who did. My theory is that Scott didn't dig some of the sacrifices he'd made in his career for his wife, and he didn't care for some of those he was gonna have to make with a child on the way. Maybe he has a piece on the side. I don't know. Maybe he's a totally nice, innocent guy who is being horribly maligned, and I am saying really mean, unfair things of a grief-stricken man. If that's the case, I'm really sorry. But that's not the impression I'm getting with the whole thing, and frankly, while my theory might be off, because I'm not the kind of person who goes around murdering other people, so I'm not really into all the reasons people do that kind of thing, I don't think I'm wrong that he did it. Either way, I hope they find the jerk who did.

That's like 96,426 hours.
Or more. Take that, GE. I went to the webcam, but it was dated the 6th, so though the page says it refreshes every 30 seconds or something, I don't think it does.

You know, one final thought here, as a sidebar. I don't like SUV's much more than your average tincan-driving LA driver. They blot out the freakin' sun, I can't see around 'em, so I don't know what the hell's going on in front of me in rush hour traffic, and frankly, they scare the bejeezus outta me, especially when they're being driven by a 17 year old jabbering on a cell phone while simultaneously flipping radio stations, arguing the merits of Playstation 2 vs. XBox with the other 8 teens packed into the vehicle, and fumbling around the visor for a cooler cd to slip into the player. If I had the wherewithall, I'd drive one, if only as a matter of self-preservation, because when one of those teenagers drives mommy's fucking Excursion over my ass, I'm dead. But no, there's no love lost in my tiny little Honda for SUV's or the people who drive them. But that ad the Detroit Group put out about how SUV drivers fund terrorism is ridiculous. Better to look to yourselves, assholes. No matter what you drive, if you buy gas, you support oil producing companies. Whether or not that supports terrorism is a point for some debate. But please. Step out of your house before you start flinging stones.

Word.

Peace out,
Katie

ps. have i mentioned i'm pms'g?

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I'm just standin' in the rain talkin' to myself.

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Yesterday's News - Next Stop

In which Katie shares sad news - Wednesday, Apr. 01, 2015
In which Katie returns after a very long absence - Monday, Jun. 25, 2012
In which Katie pokes her head in and brushes some of the cobwebs away - Thursday, May. 06, 2010
In which Katie asks you to write your congressman again. - Monday, Jun. 02, 2008
In which Katie asks you to please click the link and send the message to protect the rights of artists - Wednesday, May. 21, 2008