Katie Doyle, Girl About Town

Thursday, Nov. 28, 2002 - 11:46 p.m.

I have seen the Turkey That Ate the World, and it was delicious. Especially with a side of cran. Mm-mm good.

But seriously, that was some big bird, folks. Especially given there were only 5 and a half of us eating (a 3 year old does not qualify as an entire diner - you do the math). After we all stuffed ourselves - and believe you me, there was a lot of stuffin' goin' on - there was still enough left of our dearly departed foul to provide sandwich fodder for all of us days, or even weeks...which leads me to an epiphany.

Turkeys are manna, my friends. Feathered manna. They never run out. One turkey can feed, like, a hundred people. When the Israelites were wandering in the desert, and manna fell from the skies to feed them, it was actually turkeys, though for some reason, that was lost in the translation. Oh yeah. Like, 5 of 'em. Every time the Children of God got hungry, 5 or 6 turkeys would suddenly plunge from the sky (turkeys can't fly, you know), and they'd just fry 'em up and eat 'em. But turkey is probably like this ancient indian word or something, and the ancient indians weren't around yet, so the biblical word was manna. I'm pretty sure if you look up turkey in the Patuxet dictionary, it says manna. Really. It does.

BTW, that Tisquantum (aka Squanto) was quite a guy. Led an amazing life. I think someone should make a major motion picture about him. Maybe Benjamin Bratt could play him. Anybody but Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio or Lou Diamond Phillips, anyway. Or Freddie Prinz, Jr., because I'm sorry, but I really can't see FPJr as the Great American Indian. As the Great American anything, really, but certainly not a cool guy like Squanto. I'm actually not all that fond of Benjamin either, but for some reason his face leaps to mind, so what the hey, we'll ride with him for the job. Or better, Daniel Day Lewis, because he ain't American Indian, but he shore is purty. ;) But, um, to get back to the subject, which is actually Tisquantum, and not DDL's amazing face and buns of steel, that guy was quite accomplished. They oughtta tell you more about him when you cover that little chunka history in school, because he's really gettin' short-changed in the recognition department. (Gave the Pilgrims maize...as if.) So go do your civic duty and take a few minutes to read about him, coz he was pretty keen, although, depending on what source you read, also a little power hungry...

Oh, and btw guys, when you are sitting down at a dinner table with your family, and a debate erupts on hydrogen-powered automobiles and drilling for oil in the Alaskan wilderness, and your fairly well-read and reasonably intelligent girlfriend says something that 8 freaking days ago you 100% agreed with, do not, in front of your entire family, tell her no, she is wrong. Because, she might, just might, stick a friggin' fork in your eye. If she does not have enough l-tryptophan coursing thru her veins to help her keep her anger in check and a healthy slug of caffeiney-good Diet Coke to wash it down with. Because you, my friend, came just that [] close to having your eye dug out and flung across the room, you jerk.

And now, my loyal readers, we come to that part of the day where it is once again time to head to the fridge for a snack. I have extra room in my belly, and there's stuffing in the fridge that's callin' my name. (oh yes, it is: katieee.... kaaatieeeeee... See?) I can tell there's room in my belly because the flow of blood has returned to my feet after having been tourniqueted by the waistband of my Calvins much of the evening. So I am off for stuffing, when what I really want is some of that fabulous cran-apple crisp that was for dessert. Now *that* was a pie, baby. OH yeah. Sadly, I did not think to bring any home. I suck.

Oh well.

Peace out,
Katie

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"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to baste the turkey and hide the kitchen knives."

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