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Thursday, Feb. 08, 2007 - 11:30 p.m.

On the bright side, JonnyC told me at lunch today that the people I work with mostly like me. They think I need to relax more, but they like me well enough. This is a relief to hear, because I've been dealing with such extreme bullshit from the asstool every day that most days I cry most of the way home because I feel like everyone there must hate me. It's hard to deal with that much hatred every day without it really depressing the shit out of you. So it was good to hear everyone doesn't think I'm a bitch.

That being said, I got into it with the asstool at 6:10pm today, over - of all things - Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince. We are both reading it, and despite my request last week that he not divulge anything that happens in the book in my presence, because I'm in the middle of reading it, he stood at his desk and talked across mine to the girl who sits opposite me and spewed out a plot point. So I reacted as I would have done to anyone, which was to say, "Dude, reading it," which any normal, intelligent person realizes means "hey, I'm reading that right now, please don't talk about it right in front of me like I'm not here." And I know I wasn't rude about it, because JonnyC heard me, and he said I wasn't, and unlike your friends who will tell you you weren't rude when you really were, JonnyC will tell you, "no, you were really rude." So anyway, I said I was reading it, and with no effort at all to hide his irritation, he snaps what, and I say I'm reading that right now, and he goes - I kid you not, and with venom, he goes "SO?" So I say I'd rather not hear what happens before I read it, and he bitchily askes me how he's supposed to know that, which I personally think is pretty fucking self-explanatory, because who the hell DOES want to know what happens in a book or movie before they experience it for themselves, but I say we had an entire conversation about it the other day, and as I'm talking, he walks behind my chair and says something like no we didn't, or how is he supposed to remember that or something along those lines, and then he moves another 5 feet past that and raises his voice to snipe that I could have been polite, and by then I had had enough of his petty bullshit, and I said "so could YOU," and followed that with fine, I apologize for being rude. It was not, however, my best work, because frankly, I couldn't have fucking cared less how rude I was, as I have been putting up with more rude, boorish dickishness from him since this job started than I have ever put up with from anyone else in my entire life. So I really wasn't sorry and just mouthed the words, which was pretty painfully obvious to anyone listening, and he continued to bitch, so I cut him off and said something like 'and I already said I'm sorry, so let's move on and call it a day,' and turned my back to him like I couldn't have cared less, which, frankly, I couldn't have. He stomped off muttering something I didn't listen to, because I knew if I did, the whole thing would escalate to a point where body bags and security would probably be involved, and aside from his bullshit, I like my job, so that would be a bad thing. I apologized to the girl across from me and the coworker I assist, and the girl said not to worry, tempers flare, while coworker said yeah, but I was mortified that it happened in front of other people...at least 5 other people, to be exact. And it helps to know that by and large, most other people there don't like him either, but it was still really embarrassing, and I can only hope to GOD the supervising producer and head story editor weren't party to it, because that would really be just horrendously, horribly humiliating. I walked past JonnyC to the kitchen, muttering to him as I passed that "well that could have gone better," and he came into the kitchen behind me and we had a talk about it. I'm kinda glad he was there to see it, because he finally has an inkling of the bullshit I've been dealing with the last few weeks that he's been hearing about in IM's. The only difference in what happened at 6 and the rest of the time is that that was actively hateful. Most of the time he's just a fucking passive-aggressive 7 year old about it. He was pretty aggressive today, though. I've had the feeling that when he passes behind me every time he leaves his desk or come back, he reads any IM's or browser windows I have open, and today, he quit trying to hide it. He even stood right over my shoulder and 10 inches behind me at the end of lunch and read an email I was writing, until I realized he was doing it and closed the window, at which point he finally walked away. And though he usually snubs me in any conversation, every time I tried to discuss anything work-related with Coworker today, he would interrupt me and just start talking to Coworker like I hadn't been talking and would keep going until I gave up waiting for him to shut up and turned back to my computer. When Coworker sort of called him on it, he said he liked to hear about other episodes people were working on. I'm not sure how cutting me off and flapping his gums for the next five minutes qualifies as "hearing," but wtf ever. If he pulls that shit tomorrow, I'm calling him on it, and I don't care where that leads, because I'm not going to lie down for that cocksucker another day. I have put up with his bullshit every m-f'g day because I didn't want to cause problems or make waves, but I've fucking had it with him, at this point.

Bygones, for the language, but I can't tell you how pissed off I am at the way he treats me. He has no cause to do so, and I've fucking had it. That marks the second time in my entire life I have actually used the cs word, and I'm really sorry, but that's what he is. It's the worst thing I can think of, and he totally deserves it.

Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry it was so vile and negative. I fantasized all the way home about what it would feel like to swing a baseball bat as hard as I could until it connected with the back of his skull. All I plan on doing every day when I leave my house is to do my thing and leave everyone else to theirs. I don't try to control how other people live their lives, I don't cut people off on the road or block intersections, I don't carelessly cause disruptions while people are trying to work, I clean up after myself in the kitchen and tell Emiliana I hope she's having a good day and thank you for emptying the dishwasher (even though it's what she's paid to do, because it's still nice she does it), I hold doors open for people, and just generally try to leave things at least as nice as I found them. All I fucking ask is the same respect in return. That's all I want. I don't need to be treated like I'm special, I just need to be treated with respect. I don't think that's so much to ask. So when people refuse to give that to me, I don't handle it well. I don't generally do a damn thing about it, because much of the time the people doing the trampling on are men, and frankly, much as I might like to ask them to step outside and then mop up the pavement with them, I can't do that. So I am forced to take their bullshit. Male or female, I tend to take everyone's fucking bullshit. And I'm tired of it. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm rapidly nearing the point where I can't do it anymore, which I think is pretty painfully evident to any and every person who's been reading this diary for the last year and half. I think this is the year where I take my soul back. I miss me.

There's asskickin' a-comin. Be warned.

copyright 2002 - 2005 Katie Doyle; all rights reserved
Don't even think it, punk.






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Yesterday's News - Next Stop

In which Katie shares sad news - Wednesday, Apr. 01, 2015
In which Katie returns after a very long absence - Monday, Jun. 25, 2012
In which Katie pokes her head in and brushes some of the cobwebs away - Thursday, May. 06, 2010
In which Katie asks you to write your congressman again. - Monday, Jun. 02, 2008
In which Katie asks you to please click the link and send the message to protect the rights of artists - Wednesday, May. 21, 2008

 

 

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