Katie Doyle, Girl About Town

Monday, Nov. 26, 2007 - 6:48 p.m.

Let's boot that last entry off the screen, shall we? Thanks to those of you who emailed or noted. I appreciate it. I just feel like crap and don't have the energy yet for a thoughtful email. Seems the plague has swept me up in its not so loving embrace. I really feel most not good. According to the hospital billing person I spoke to today, it lasts about a week and a half, too, the current flu going around. I can't tell you how not thrilled that makes me. I missed work Saturday and today, after working almost an entire shift on Friday. Periodically, I have to get out of bed, because apparently, the severe headaches I have been getting are not all migraines but also from holding my head in a particular position for extended periods of time...watching tv or reading in bed, say. And I can attest that when I do that for a long time, I get a headache fit to cause all the symptoms of a migraine except for the visual distortions. Including the most extreme nausea on the planet. So every now and again, I bundle up and sit at the computer for an hour or so just to give my neck a break. It's helping, but I have to say, I really don't feel that much like sitting upright. Of course, I also don't feel like dry heaving into the toilet for several hours again today due to pain, so I've been making myself get up anyway. At least it makes sleeping a little more pain-free. I still wake up with a headache, but as I said, I don't have to go heave into the commode. And Advil? Advil is my friend.

Some random thoughts I've had in the last day or 3:

I think I'm really socially pretty inept. Three times during Thanksgiving dinner (at least), I managed to say things that were not what I meant to say and that sounded rude or inappropriate. I think that number is actually 4x, but I know for sure thrice. I don't know when this happened. I used to not suck at groups. In fact, I had lots of groups that I hung out in, and I almost never felt like a dumbass. Then I moved to California in 1991 and lost my peer groups and started spending mass amounts of time alone, and I swear, my social skills took a huge nosedive. I am currently just above videogame-addicted, mathematically-ingeniused, non-bathing, mom-dwelling, live-action role-playing, lightning bolt-throwing Rainmen on the social evolutionary scale right now. And I mean no insult to any one of those groups of people, but I think you have to admit, if you rolled any 2 or 3 of those super-clicheed stereotypes* together, you'd have one generally socially-inept human being. Put all of them together, and you begin to see what kind of verbal mess spews forth when I find myself in almost any social situation, and the larger the group, or the more people in it who don't know me very well, the worse it gets. Among my faux pas..ses on Turkey Day: "This tastes pretty good; I didn't expect to like it." (what I meant to say was that I had not expected to like it as much as I did, which was quite a bit - it was freaking awesome) I mentioned that a "person of color" had been up for the same audition TB had been and that I thought that was unusual. Which was incidental to the story, but what I was thinking in my head was that usually all the people in an audition for a single role look pretty much the same, so I thought it was really an unusually cool coincidence that two people I know who are so dissimilar happened to meet each other at an audition for the same role. What came out instead was an uncouth remark that was pretty much racist. Plus, I realize that sometimes casting directors call all sorts of types in for a role. But in my personal experience, you generally end up sitting in a room full of clones who are all dressed and look pretty much exactly like you. I think I said something else awkward about the food, and made another awkward comment regarding sex and gay marriage, which in my head sounded totally normal, in that the comment was made that we had not yet discussed sex yet, and I said (totally meaning to make an equally light comment) yes, but we had touched on it with our discussion of gay marriage, and what I was thinking was that people have sex in marriage, so since we'd talked about gay-marriage (just before the comment was made), that we had indirectly discussed sex, but what it came out as is what sex-crazed fiends those gay people must be. Oy. I don't know why I can't just learn to say nothing in social gatherings. I'm not a racist, I never say food is bad (even if it is, unless I am the one who made it), and I don't find gay marriage any different than heterosexual marriage, other than the obvious fact that it's not recognized by the government and certain members of the public. So how is it that I manage so often to say stuff that sounds the opposite? Seriously.

* please understand, i am only discussing *stereotypes* as examples, NOT the real-life, completely well-adjusted, far less socially screwed up people than myself who also participate in those activities. please don't send me hate mail because you think i think gamers are freaks.

I am still voting for John Edwards in the primary, regardless of what the frigging poll numbers say about how Hillary or Obama are my only real choices. I think publishing poll numbers for at least 6 months just prior to an election of any type should be illegal. They far too often affect the outcome of elections, and frankly, they have no business doing so. I even find myself worried that my only two serious choices are Hillary or Obama, and that I'm throwing my vote away voting on Edwards, because then I will have no say over who actually represents me in the presidential election. That is, of course, what certain factions - be they Hillary's campaign, Obama's campaign, or anyone else - want me to believe. But as I think neither of those 2 will make a good president at this time (Obama might in another 8 years, but frankly, he's just too damned inexperienced right now. Hillary I just can't stand and will probably never vote for. Period.), I will not cast my primary vote for them. And I hope none of my fellow Democratic primary voters will, either. Likewise, I hope those of you voting Republican will buck your front runners and vote for the candidate you actually believe represents America's best interests. I'd love to have an alternative to Giuliani or ambulance-chasing-PI-attorney-like Romney, especially if Hillary does manage to wrap up my party's nomination and I need someone else to vote for. Please don't nominate Romney and make me vote for Hillary. My soul might burst into flames right there in the voting booth.

When you have the flu and your nose is all itchy inside, but no matter how many times you blow your nose or how hard, nothing every frigging comes out and the itchiness does not subside, so you're just on the verge of that need-to-sneeze feeling constantly? That fucking sucks.

So does blowing your runny nose but nothing comes out. Inside my head right now, I am cussing up a blue streak that all the sailors and truckers who once graced this earth are in awe of. Seriously. They have popcorn and are high fiving all over the place from their armchairs in heaven or purgatory or wherever it is old cussing sailors and truckers go when they die.

OMG. I think I need to go cruise Facebook for a while, where I at least give the impression of being a normal human being. I think.

Peace out,
Katie

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