Katie Doyle, Girl About Town

Tuesday, Sept. 30, 2003 - 6:33 p.m.

Dude. What's UP, people?

I have been spending my days cleaning up other people's messes, which I think Someone Up There thinks is my calling. Must be Oldest Child Syndrome or something. I have to wonder if there is some kind of cosmic curse or Unwritten Rule of God that all firstborns will be blamed for other people's screw-ups or else somehow end up just cleaning them up in perpetuity, because I swear to you, that has been the story of my life. Like, when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade and my eldest brother thought it would be a good idea to take a sledge hammer to the insides of all my dad's rental houses demolishing every single interior wall and claiming Daddy was going to have them demolished anyway, so by handing all our little friends smashing tools and telling them to have at it, he was actually providing our father a service, THAT was my fault, because being a whole year older, *I* should have known better and stopped him. It was a good long while before I could sit down after that little debacle. And then in 8th grade, when all the cows got out while said brother and I were at a Doyle-sanctioned track meet, and my mom met us at the bus at 11:30 at night all freaked out and warning us that we were in a lot of trouble, THAT was my fault too, because had I not the selfish and unbelievably irresponsible audacity to go to a track meet, I would have been home to feed the cattle and the gate would not have been left down; therefore, the cattle would not have escaped. I got to rundown mindless bovines many miles from home in the Absolute Pitch Black Dark Only Those Who Have Lived In The Middle of Nowhere Can Know until around 2 or 3 in the morning for that transgression. And when my parents finally split up and Mom got me and my youngest brother, who then managed to get himself "kidnapped" by my father and taken away while I was on an educational trip overseas, that too was my fault, as I should have been there to say no to my dad and thus prevent my brother from climbing into the Doylemobile, bike and all.

So it only makes sense I would sit here now, wading thru a travesty of bookkeeping, trying to figure out who actually owes what, etc., because my predecessor had shoddy office skills. And I use the term "skills" loosely. Trust me.

What I really wish I was doing was my own stuff, be it making jewelry and running that whole deal, or designing gardens for people who make far too much money and need to give me some. Either of those activities would suit me fine, and I really wish I was doing them, but I suppose all things come in time, though I would really like to know why it is that that time crawls in at a pace that makes snails look like they're doing the speed of light. I'm just wondering.

And one last thing, because it has depressed the absolute hell out of me, and I really hope I'm not the only one out there who feels like a useless loser, but I had to go to a company meeting the other day, even though I'm temporary, and it was really hard to sit there and listen to who got promoted and stuff like that, feeling like I have no place in the world where I actually belong, and no one who looks at me and thinks "Wow, there's Katie; she's got it goin' ON." You know? I don't want to be the biggest fish in the pond, but I wouldn't mind being rather larger than a guppy, and every so often I really wish people looked at me and thought "Oh good, there's Katie; Katie's on the ball." And maybe wished they were a little like me. I used to have this place I hung out that was like Cheers, in that everyone knew who I was, and I had my place there. I belonged. No one was shouting "Norm!" when I walked in - which is kind of a good thing, since I'm not Norm AND I'm a girl, but still, I had a place there, and some people looked up to me, and I was recognized as having talent and worth and a purpose. Besides pouring a soda or filing an invoice, if you know what I mean.

So anyway, that's where I am, and it kinda sucks. Go read CuppaJoe or Sundry or Sunnflower or something and get your dose of happy, now. Sorry I'm so depressing; I didn't mean to be when this started out. Or even by the time I got to the end. It must be not having a new season premier of Buffy to look forward to for the first time in 8 years.

Eh.

Peace out,
Katie

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You're so very much the person I wanted to see.

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Yesterday's News - Next Stop

In which Katie shares sad news - Wednesday, Apr. 01, 2015
In which Katie returns after a very long absence - Monday, Jun. 25, 2012
In which Katie pokes her head in and brushes some of the cobwebs away - Thursday, May. 06, 2010
In which Katie asks you to write your congressman again. - Monday, Jun. 02, 2008
In which Katie asks you to please click the link and send the message to protect the rights of artists - Wednesday, May. 21, 2008