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Friday, Aug. 11, 2006 - 6:55 p.m.

I had a horrible dream this afternoon. :( I dreamed Mr. Puppy, my dog Jake, died. I had to give Jake away in December of 1998, and I still miss him horrendously. It crushed me to give him up, but I had to do what was best and healthiest for him, and I was not in a position to properly see to his needs at that time. About 3 or 4 years ago, I started dreaming bout him, and they were these great dreams where he would run up to me suddenly, all happy to see me, and I was happy to see him, and I would bury my fingers in his fur and hug him and pound on his sides the way I used to. Gradually, the dreams this last year have been of the sort where he comes to see me, but then he sort of ignores me the way he used to when I came home after a trip, to let me know he wasn't happy I'd left him behind, even for a weekend. And even though in the dream I knew he came to see me because he loved me, I also knew he wasn't quite right and wouldn't come to see me much longer. Then today/tonight, I dreamed of a bunch of rambunctious puppies that all came cavorting up to me, and I realized something wasn't right, that Jake was missing, so I went to find him, and he was lying where he should be, but he was cold and couldn't be woken. I tried to wake him up, but I couldn't, so I buried my fingers in his fur and picked him up and hugged him as long as I could, until he grew too heavy to hold, and then I laid him down so he would be comfortable, and then I woke up, and I knew that my dog has either died or will soon, and it ripped me apart. It still does. I pray God will make space for him in heaven; I gladly relinquish my place there (assuming I have one) for Jake. He totally deserves it. And I hope he will know how sorry I am for not being the friend he deserved me to be.

::sigh:: I battled with Photoshop most of the time I spent actually out of bed and awake today, but it keeps locking up on me and crashing the laptop. So I wasn't able to get any images edited for the web, which is a little depressing, considering all I did today was lie around feeling crummy and watch tv. My favorite, Hooker ('ookoorh), and the dread Law & Order - New York Section Criminelle. Except I miss Jerry Ohrbach, because not only was he the dad in Dirty Dancing, but Dennis Farina really tears up the dialogue. I can't read his lips at all. Jesse Martin is okay, though.

I have noticed, btw, that you can REALLY tell when someone is a crappy actor without the sound on.

I might feel better. I guess we'll find out tomorrow. At least I mostly don't feel like throwing up anymore.

Moving on, I'm happy for Snood. Snood has kept me sane, because frankly, there's only so many hours out of the day you can obsessively check email and surf the web. Especially when you have to torque yourself into the human pretzel to do so. Merely clicking a mouse is much easier than typing.

Speaking of, it seems my landlord was on vacation without email, and now that he has returned, he is placing a priority on getting me cable and phone. So I might soon be back in touch with the world. Of course, my stay will be half over by the time that all goes down...

Unless I find a job, which would be bitchin'.

I have developed a less spastic wait-and-see attitude about negotiating the flight home, but I'm still trying to hedge my bets on getting the computer and cameras home, and while the sales are going, I might just buy another suitcase for the flight home. Something larger than what I've got, so I can pack everything into one case. If I am not allowed a carry-on, however, I am sending the electronics home via Federal Express...to the tune of about $250. :( I'm really pretty much not happy about that one.

Most of my stress yesterday was in not being able to get information. All the stuff on the web was old news, and in this era of 30 minute news cycles, getting stuck with news that's at least 8 hours old was really hard on me. I'm really a total information junkie. I could never go back to the days of 6:00 evening news and morning paper; I like my breaking news and updates far too much. Sometimes I realize that in that regard, I have become my parents. My parents were total news hounds, and when I was a kid, I hated the news. I didn't really begin to embrace the news until my college days, when the fullest extent of that was Nightline, which I loved because Ted Koppel really brutalized the hell out of people and didn't take any pat or easy answers. I watched that and the evening news if I was home, and that was it. But by the age of 25, I had really fully gotten into news and didn't miss the evening news if it could at all be helped. And then I started reading the paper too, and somewhere in the midst of that and with the advent of CNN and GWI, which I had friends on the frontline in, I got addicted to news. I start and end the day with it. So being here and unable to keep tabs on stuff, while not bothersome for the first 2 weeks, is now making me a little bit crazy. I had gotten used to it, and then this thing yesterday happened, and that showed me that I really have to have my news. Ever since September 11, I can not be far from a 24-hour news channel. I need to be connected to world events. Especially when they affect me. And actually, I would have been much better about the whole thing, more jaundiced and less freaked, if Britain had not shut down Heathrow. You don't shut down the world's busiest international airport for an entire day on a whim, so that told me this shit is serious. And I need my news for the serious shit.

The weather here is really crummy right now, and it got cold quick. We had one week of beautiful weather, not roasting, not cold or rainy, and that has pretty much disappeared. I'm really freaking out about the book project. I'm getting lots of other images, but nothing for the book. I hope I can get back here next spring and try again. :( I think next year, I will shoot for April, May and June. Skip that heat and the sudden summer showers. Even people who live here though think this weather is a little nutty.

So, assuming I feel well enough to walk around tomorrow, I think I will go either to the Institute Pasteur and look at science stuff, or to the Cite Expo and look at science and science fiction stuff (they have a Star Wars exhibit there right now) or maybe to the Musee du Vieux Montmartre and look at all the old signage and stuff from the raging art nouveau days of La Butte. Montmartre just may be my favorite part of the city, actually. You can spend a day wandering around there, easy. I hear the Marais is where it's at for old buildings and narrow streets, but I can't imagine it has anything on Montmartre, which is what I envision when I think of Paris. Montmartre is totally charming and quaint, once you get away from the Sacre Couer and the Place du Tertre (where all the painters ply their wares and the tourists throng). I'm totally hitting Montmartre as soon as the weather breaks. I also want to go back to the Musee de la Vie Romantique and get some shots of the garden, house, and outbuildings. It was really just wonderful there. It is my favorite place in Paris, which was formerly held by either Pere Lachaise or the Jardin d'Albert Kahn, this great "botanical garden" (for lack of a better description) in Boulogne-Billancourt.

I had something else to say, but I totally forgot what it was. I'm really troubled by what's going on in Lebanon right now, but it seems useless to get into my views on Israel's true goals without hitting a lot of the backstory and history, and frankly, I'm too tired to do it, and my ass goes to sleep by the time I finish an entry anyway, because I'm sitting on a thinly carpeted hardwood floor, and you try doing that for any length of time before your buttcheeks or tailbone start to protest or fall asleep on you. It's either that or pretzel myself, and either one results in pain. My ass is killing me right now. Which I know you guys are thrilled to hear, but you know, I'm willing to suffer for my fans (if not bother to perfect my typing skills), and I think you should know that, yo. Or, you know, something. I'm delirious. I can not be held accountable for anything I say or do right now.

SPACE MONKEYS!!!

See? Delirious.

Peace out,
Katie

ps. the reference to fans was a joke, just in case someone didn't get it and thinks i'm just that egotistical.

copyright 2002 - 2005 Katie Doyle; all rights reserved
Don't even think it, punk.






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Yesterday's News - Next Stop

In which Katie shares sad news - Wednesday, Apr. 01, 2015
In which Katie returns after a very long absence - Monday, Jun. 25, 2012
In which Katie pokes her head in and brushes some of the cobwebs away - Thursday, May. 06, 2010
In which Katie asks you to write your congressman again. - Monday, Jun. 02, 2008
In which Katie asks you to please click the link and send the message to protect the rights of artists - Wednesday, May. 21, 2008

 

 

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