Katie Doyle, Girl About Town

Tuesday, Jun. 03, 2003 - 4:29 a.m.

In the last few weeks, a few things have sprung repeatedly to mind. Most notably:

1. It sucks to be me.

2. Many, many people are too stupid to have email, much less a computer.

On the suckage front, it just keeps getting better and better. My grandmother's memorial service - which has some namby-pamby anti-death name I can't remember, which is appended with "a celebration of a life," is next weekend, so my mom called to tell me to come out early and spend the night in a hotel with her again. One wonders if they make earplugs big enough... (I am just being melodramatic and taking literary license; please don't give me grief because I'm bagging on the power tool of death that is my mother's sinus cavity...jeez; you people send me mail to reprimand my ass when you think I'm being rude, but does anybody send me a condolence letter on the passing of my beloved gammy? Oh no, they do *not*. Bygones.) But I digress, because actually the spending of the night with my mom is not the bad part. The bad part is that after the ceremony/service/whatever, we are all going to the house to clean out all the leavings of her life, at which point we will all also be confronted with how much stuff was stolen from her by my step-uncle, her stepson, whom my grandfather in heaven has probably thoroughly disowned by now. This will make me very angry, because I really hate when nice people are taken advantage of by assholes. And it sounds greedy and selfish, but it also irks the living hell out of me that the few things I associate with my grandmother and very much wanted to have have been stolen for their monetary value. Not because they mean anything to the dickhead asshole who stole them. It's also not exactly the reason I want to be in that house, the halcyon port of my childhood days. No, not really.

On top of that, there has been a fair amount of upset - read, MAJOR - in other areas of life as well, which I will not go into, because some people who read this thing actually know me in real life, and I do not need to go into it here on the net, seein' as it's all just too excruciating to have to explain to them. Suffice to say I have been pretty miserable and crying a lot, and move on.

As for people being too stupid to have email, I can not believe the number of Internet hoaxes forwarded to my inbox in the last week or so.

People, PLEASE.

Bill Gates is not going to give you money for forwarding a freaking email. You will also not get rich or score cool stuff by forwarding mail from AOL, Intel, the Gap, Abercrombie & Fitch, Old Navy, Banana Republic, Microsoft, IBM, Gateway, Pepsico, Miller's Outpost, M&M candies, or Ford. NO lawyers have said it's legit. Pepsico did not sue anyone nor were they sued. No one saw it on the freaking news, no one got a check in the damn mail. You can NOT track an internet email. Likewise, do not send money to Nigeria, Algeria, or any other 'geria. You will not get money back, and if that email or any of its permutations were serious, what they're asking you to do is called FRAUD and is ILLEGAL. And you *would* get caught. As well, no stupid child dying of an unpronounceable disease is going to get a pony ride because you forwarded on an email to umpteen million people. You might as well believe that doing so is also going to bring about world peace. And while we're on the subject, do NOT send me attachments. You should not open them willy-nilly, either. ESPECIALLY not attachments ending in .exe, .dll, or .bat In fact, I have some reservations about .wav and jpeg files, too. Please take me OUT of your address books, so that when you do infect your computer with the virus from hell - which you will so richly deserve for being so monumentally clueless - you do not forward it to me in some manner thus catching me unawares and infecting *my* hard drive.

Bygones.

BTB, should someone send you an email that seems just too stupidly good to be true, it IS. But should you doubt my sincerity and the fact that I am capable of more logical thought than you apparently are, you may check the subject of the mail at Urban Legends and see for yourself. In fact, before you forward on *any* freaking mail purporting to be fact, you should check it out there.

Thank you.

Peace out,
Katie

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