Katie Doyle, Girl About Town

Tuesday, Jun. 22, 2004 - 4:26 a.m.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

I was outside today, and a bug flew up my nose. See, we are plagued by millions of these tiny little black flies. The same ones that found a way into the house last summer. Those suckers are back, only thankfully, because seriously, there are millions of them, they�re staying outside, at least for now. But I was up on the slab, taking in the view, and a bug flew up my right nostril, and before I could do anything about it, that little bastard had flown straight up my nose and into my sinus cavity, where, by the way, and in case you�re wondering, it felt like someone had just forced water up a small section of my nose. Only oddly enough, I felt it on the left side, not the right.

I, of course, immediately tried blowing my nose, but that had absolutely zero effect. And at that point, I wasn�t 100% certain the thing had actually gotten up my nose, because I snorted hard as soon as I felt him hit me, and then the weird water-up-my-nose sensation hit like literally 2 seconds later, and way up inside my nose, on the opposite side. So I blew again, harder, this time concentrating on the left side, and since I am all kinds of congested, every manner of crap came out of my nose (bygones), but no bug. I had no idea what was going on up there, but in a matter of seconds, the feeling got pretty close to unbearable on the physical sensation range of things, so I had to rush inside to do some serious blowing.

And still nothing happened. And I am not ashamed to say it, people, I went mining.

You would too, if you had a fidgety bug up your nose.

So, I was poking and digging and blowing, and not a damn thing was happening, and then I coughed, and gross-out of all gross-outs � coz, you know, a bug flying up your nose so that you have to go hunting for it isn�t quite gross enough � I felt something mostly hard and roundish on my tongue and spit, and there, big as disgusting life, was the fly.

Now, in case you�re wondering, yes, a fly making its way thru your sinus cavity to the back of your throat, from which it is then subsequently ejected onto your tongue, will make you want to hurl.

Just so you know.

And no, washing your mouth out with tons of Scope will not make you feel any better about the experience, at all.

That�s just the way it is, people. I�m only here to relate the reality of the situation. Bugs up your nose are messy, and the process by which they are eliminated is gross, and no amount of mouthwash rectifies the situation. That�s just the Circle of Life.

Peace out,
Katie

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