Katie Doyle, Girl About Town

Monday, Jan. 02, 2006 - 8:12 p.m.

I have a pounding headache and stuffy head, so no extra posting today. I hope all my Dland buddies and reads have a Happy, Happy 2006.

And now, without any further to-do, here is a little thing I'm calling

Katie Doyle, 2005 - The Year In Quotes

So, I went to the post office to mail some jewelry today, and the postman guy was totally helpful and nice when one of my boxes proved to be problematic. Usually the employees in my post office are snarky or downright nasty, so I really appreciated all his help and patience. So as I was gathering my change and other stuff up and preparing to leave the counter, I said to him, "Thanks; you're the bomb.

Do not do this.

You know I'm going to rant, right?

I forgot to say yesterday in my mapping out of the posters serving as the bread crumbs by which I find my office that if you hit the Pootie Tang poster, you went too far (in more ways than one, Louis C.K.).

Show of hands: who here thinks I'm gonna get fired tomorrow?

I know there are those of you out there holding your breath, so I will end the suspense and tell you that yes, the gigantic, 7" scaly monster from last night did, indeed, make its way back into the house.

�The bottom of the steps going down into a dark garage early in the barefoot morning is a really, really bad place for a cat to leave a bloodied gopher carcass.

take heed, coz I'm a lyrical poet
miami's in the house, just in case you didn't know it

I kinda thought that when I left my 20's, the free pizza bribe would somehow fall behind me. Clearly, this supposition was utterly erroneous.

Dude. CSS is not my friend. :(

You would think it a statistical improbability for every haircut I have gotten in the last year to suck pond scum.

Hey. You. Flint or Brad or whatever your name is, in your stupid production ballcap and assigned parking space. What is wrong with reruns?

Oh wait. They believe in freedom of choice and that you should practice God's will in your daily life, treating your fellow human beings with respect and love, and that charity is something we should all practice, every day.

My bad. They ARE evil.

Four hours is not enough sleep.

I have my suspicions � which I will later be able to test � that having 36 movie channels and a Tivo with your satellite tv hookup is the way to go.

...When it suddenly decided to move in my direction, I screeched "NOOOO!" at the top of my lungs and flung myself back against the headboard as far as possible, and then shrieked "do NOT come any closer; you just stay there," like all lizards speak human or come with their own tiny little universal translators.

(Yeah; like that whole speaking human thing could happen.)

I am aggrieved at such poor logic and cavalier attitude toward the responsibility of the press and the right of the American public to know just what in hell its elected officials are up to.

Snarky.

You know that jones for chocolate I have? I so fed that a 3Musketeers bar when I got home.

"If this is a souffle, it's a souffle of pain." It certainly is, Tim. In more ways than one.

(I will not make Chicken Little jokes, I will not make Chicken Little jokes, I will not make...)

As a side note, do not open the lid on a bottle of glue (especially toxic acetone or silicon-based) with your mouth. Sure, you may have done so without mishap in the past, and yes, I realize you may have both hands full, one holding the bottle, and the other holding the thing to be glued. But trust me: on a hot day, where some heat and pressure may have built up inside the squeeze bottle, this is not a good plan.

I get that Tom is In Love with the magnificent Cuteness of Katie Holmes. I don't need to be reminded of that every 15 minutes of my day. Really. I'm good.

Government by its very nature will not act in the best interests of the individual, and the men who wrote the Bill of Rights knew that.

So, this week, I saw a man walking his cockatoo (and no, that's not a euphemism for something gross).

Insert drink the Kool-Aid comment here re: Iraq and September 11.

Seriously, it's like she's a serial killer and left a little mouse murder crime scene vignette all set up for the cops to find. Like 7 for cats.

Would someone please explain to me exactly how in the hell "moderate" has come to mean "liberal" to what seems to be every single member of the Republican party?

How strong can we possibly be, that a little thing like setting fire to some fabric can seriously freak people out enough that they have to go to all the time and money to work to amend an entire national document over 200 years old and put people in prison for doing something as innocuous as lighting a fire?

A phone is a handy gadget which is meant to make communication easier. It is not an open invitation for you to invade my house or elbow in and monopolize my time.

Why are there no low-fat, sugar-free ice cream treats out there? You know why? Because you can't have low-fat and low-sugar and still taste good, that's why.

Diet, Day 1:

Yeah, if by artsy, vintage, random, and ohh so witty, you mean artless, derivitive, crude, and tacky copies of shit that should have died a horrible, agonizing death way back in the 70s.

Seeing as I was pretty much a geek and kind of an outcast, I can pretty much identify with Princess Mia's experience, even if I did not have a big cat that ate socks. And - you know - I'm not a princess.

If I teach you nothing else but not to use orange oil and scrubby sponges on your car, in addition to not putting artichokes down the disposal, then my life will not have been lived in vain. Please, people, learn from my pain.

Ever do that thing where you have to take defensive driving for a ticket, and then the day before the ticket is due for resolution, realize you forgot to take traffic school? Yeah.

Oh sure, I dream of being a day person; I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice. I would LOVE to be a day person. The world is completely designed around day people. The Livers of the Day. You can't get anything done at 2am. You can't shop for presents or pay bills or get a decent burger. We night dwellers are prejudiced against, and that's all there is to it.

My brother RULEZ!

I'm sorry, but it's just not the responsible, reasonable or mature thing to gather up our tinkertoys and go home.

PS. I was just kidding about the guillotines. do not send me hate mail because you think I like guillotines.

I have images of myself all decked out in khaki shorts and longsleeve shirts of crisp white cotton with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, digging my hands into rich, fertile soil and rolling it between my fingers in the summer sun while I pronounce the grapes healthy and marvelous.

I still have not yet heard from my friend Sue in New Orleans, so if you know her, tell her to call "Jet", please.

When George Bush continues his vacation for 2 full days while hundreds or thousands of people die, and the federal government can't be bothered to react to what it is itself calling the worst natural disaster in the history of America, that is not a disconnect. That is the federal government telling all of us it does *not care*.

Note to all of you "outraged" politicians intent on using the word "unacceptable": You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I do not know why they tell you to do this without also and first clearing you for a heavy duty industrial-strength respirator and a hazmat team which will establish a perimeter around your house and outfit you with the very latest in trench-warfare, mustard-gas-repellent, vulcanized rubber and a nice clear face shield with a little halogen light just above it.

She yelled and jumped one way while her cell went the other, and since they were in 7' of the most disgusting water she's ever seen in her entire life (and that includes a GREAT deal of time in the Louisiana bayous and working on offshore oil rigs), she opted just to let it go...it's good not to become attached to material things.

Al-lee-gay-tore

I hope ye had a good day an' a better cup o' grog, and remember, don't let the scallywags getcher down. AARRRRR!

It is bizarre to stand outside your house and watch fire creep closer, especially one as huge as the one currently burning 3 - 6 miles away from where I live.

Uh, yeah. God and some meth.

Because people, mold feeds. And when mold feeds, it also produces waste.

For the record, if you are running for mayor, and someone who isn't allowed to donate to your campaign gives you $20, so you give your friend that $20 bill and then your friend gives you the nice crisp $20 bill he just got from the bank, and you put that in your campaign account, that's the exact same freaking thing as putting the original $20 bill you weren't allowed to spend on your campaign in your campaign account and then spending it on your campaign. It's called money laundering.

I do not recommend spending the day transcribing interviews about someone being handcuffed and burned alive.

The next time you hear a Pubbie spewing bullshit about how every nominee to the Supreme Court "deserves" an up or down vote, ask him/her about Harriet Miers.

It was like someone turned napalm into angst and sprayed it all over the office.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

So, nameless donator, thank you; you rock. :)

All in all, it was the nicest birthday I've had in a very long time. :)

Quick, find a response. Find a response??? Are you kidding me, find a response? What the hell fucking kind of response do you make to "the city just decided to kill all my cats"???

Reason #5322 Why I Hate My Job:

I spent this evening wrapping presents and watching whatever happened to strike my fancy on television. Thank you, Dish Network.

I am all over the frigging brouhaha that seems to grow larger every single year over ::GASP:: wishing someone Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays.

I want five hundred million dollars.

Peace out,
Katie

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Yesterday's News - Next Stop

In which Katie shares sad news - Wednesday, Apr. 01, 2015
In which Katie returns after a very long absence - Monday, Jun. 25, 2012
In which Katie pokes her head in and brushes some of the cobwebs away - Thursday, May. 06, 2010
In which Katie asks you to write your congressman again. - Monday, Jun. 02, 2008
In which Katie asks you to please click the link and send the message to protect the rights of artists - Wednesday, May. 21, 2008