Katie Doyle, Girl About Town

Sunday, Jul. 15, 2007 - 11:58 p.m.

Seriously disappointed in Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix (the movie). :( The story was painfully abbreviated, and frankly, you miss tons if you haven't read the book. Like, it doesn't even really make sense in places; everything is far too rushed and has no logical a-leads-to-b-leads-to-c progression. Things just are. Events just happen. They spent time on things they didn't need to and glossed over things they shouldn't have and even changed a highly noticeable plot point. My friend Jen said it was like the Cliff Notes version of the book, but I think if they'd made the Cliff Notes version into a movie, it would have been a marked improvement. I can't believe I wasted $10.25 to get in and $16.52 (yes, sixteen dollars and 52 cents) on concessions (I hadn't eaten all day), plus a dollar parking, on such a crappy movie. Really. I wish I'd gone to see Transformers, instead, and I can't believe this movie took 3 years to make. Seriously.

Ironically enough, while both Jen and I thought the direction on this film was incredibly poor, on the way home, we were talking with Mitch, the girl who went with us, about some of the other movies of the summer, and Pirates 3 came up, which has Bill Nighy, and Mitch said she really likes him, and I said well, she should see The Girl In the Cafe then, because Bill Nighy is awesome in that, and that it's a really good movie, and I just looked up David Yates, the hack who directed HP&tOotP, and it turns out he also directed The Girl In the Cafe. Don't ask me how that happened, because judging from the waste of time and money I sat through tonight, I could not tell ya if my life depended on it. I'm shocked. I see he is also directing The Half-Blood Prince, though, so I can tell you there is no way in HELL I will be going to see that. I probably won't even bother with it on cable. I seriously can not communicate to you enough how disgusted I am with the Order of the Phoenix. The only thing that saved it in the slightest is that Imelda Stanton really rocked the Dolores Umbridge. She nailed her perfectly. But one good bit of evil does not an entire movie make. If it did, all 3 Star Wars prequels probably would have been watchable. (Oh, shnap. Yes, I did; I went there.)

I realize there's a lot in a HP book to try to cram into a movie, but they also made this shorter than the other movies, and pardon me, but they managed to fit the essential plot points into The Goblet of Fire, and it was a pretty damned thick book, too. This left all the exposition out entirely and paid surface attention only to most of the plot it did address. It also changed some of the special effects, which, frankly, was just distracting. The entire scene with Sirius' head in the fire, I just kept wondering why they changed the special effect. I paid no attention at all to what was being said; all I could think was "Well, that's how I imagined it when I read the book, not the way they did it in the other movie, which looked horrible, and this looks way cooler and much better, but why did they change it? If they could do it this way before, why does this look different? And if they decided to do it the other way for a reason, why is this different? Why did they blow the continuity? Who made that decision, and why the fuck did he decide to change it? I mean, yeah, it looks more like what JK Rowling probably imagined when she wrote it, but seriously, it's a drastic departure, and all I'm thinking about this entire scene is how different it looks and why they did it so differently; didn't the jackass who directed this realize that if he changed it so drastically from what was already the accepted and well-established appearance that people like me would sit here wondering why the hell he changed it and why they didn't just do it like this the first time? I mean, yes, it's a bitchin' special effect, but seriously: IT'S WAY FUCKING DIFFERENT, so all I can think about is what it looks like, not what's being said, and what's being said is why I spent money to see this flipping thing, not so I could sit here and be distracted by all the damn special effects...WHY IS IT TOTALLY FREAKING DIFFERENT???"

Seriously. That's what was in my head the entire freaking scene. As it was every time they deviated from plot point: "WHAT??? ***SHE*** is the one who turned them in??? What the hell? She's not the one who ratted them out; how the hell come they changed that? And where is the mirror??? How the hell come Sirius isn't giving him the mirror? That mirror is going to feature prominently in the last book, I know it is, so how the hell come Sirius isn't giving him the damned mirror? Where are the rotating doors? How come there are no rotating doors? Where are the brains? The battle is over already? But they didn't DO anything. Nigel didn't get to do anything, and Harry didn't have to save him, and how the hell come we're hearing that NOW? We aren't supposed to be hearing that now. No one is supposed to know that but Harry and Dumbledore until Harry tells them; how the hell come everyone is listening to it now? Why did they take that out of this scene and move it to the Ministry of Magic? Why isn't Harry seeing Snape's past like Snape is seeing his? WHAT??? This isn't where that happened; that happens later. How the hell is Mr. Weasley out and why is this scene so awkward and cold? Where's the conflict between Harry & Sirius because Harry isn't James? Where's the conflict between Snape & Harry over Sirius? Why is Snape even less interesting in this movie than he has been in all the others, when this movie lays the groundwork for the most pivotal point in the entire frigging series, which happens in the next film??? How do they know that fireplace isn't being watched? We have no reason to know they'd know that."

And a million other distractions. I can't even tell you how many times I went "Wha??? That doesn't happen here," and once or twice, it was stuff that didn't happen at all in the book. Don't even get me started on the thestrals. All in all, it sucked, and I really don't plan on seeing any others. It's not a good thing when halfway through a movie, you think to yourself, "Oh, yeah. This is why I don't go to the movies any more."

So I guess what I'm telling you is to wait to see it on cable. Especially if you're a really big fan of the books. Because this is about the poorest adaptation I've ever seen, of anything. :(

Peace out,
Katie

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